Archives for category: Relationships
Newer Entries »

No…….thank you!

November 28, 2013 //
0

It’s thanksgiving here in the US. We will see and hear many messages of being thankful and givings thanks. Families will join together, friends will be welcome.

Let’s try to carry these joys and warmths with us through the year. Always try to be thankful for what what you have. Many more may have more, but undoubtedly many more have less..

Simply being with people you care about serves as reason to be thankful. Enjoy the people in your life or reconsider why they are there.

Having been in the position to spend holidays alone in the past, I urge anyone who finds themselves there to accept an invitation that finds you. Or simple go to a popular spot where people are gathering and enjoy the crowds. Start a conversation with a stranger. You will be surprised how many people will welcome your company. And if you see someone alone, don’t hesitate to say hi.

Break your comfort zone and spread good will.

Happy thanksgiving to all.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories current event, Relationships, social

Repost: 28 rules for fathers of sons

November 20, 2013 //
0

I came across this on Facebook, as shared post. It’s from a blog, ” Single dad laughing”, who had re-posted it after finding it on another blog, “Diapers and Daisies.” I couldn’t help but continue to share it. After all, we are trying to be better men aren’t we??

1. Love his Mother. He will learn to love like you love, and hate like you hate. So choose love for both of you. Devote yourself to it. Love with your whole heart and express that love each and every day. Then, someday down the road, you will see the way he loves his own wife, and know that you played a part in that.

2. Let him drive. Every child remembers the first time they drove on daddy’s lap. For that one moment, he will believe that he is just. like. you.

3. Teach him to be picky. Especially when it comes to women and burgers. Teach him to never settle.

4. Take him to a ball game. There is something about sharing a day of hot dogs, sunshine and baseball with your father.

5. Love with Bravery. Boys have this preconceived notion that they have to be tough. When he is young, he will express his love fully and innocently. As he grows, he will hide his feelings and wipe off kisses. Teach him to be a man who rubs them in instead. It takes courage for a man to show love: teach him to be courageous.

6. Talk about sex. Sometimes, boys need to know that all men are created equal.

7. Teach him to be a man’s man. Show him how to be brave and tough around the guys. Then, remind him on the ride home that it is okay to cry.

8. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let him tell you about girls, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. He is not only your son, you are not only his father. Be his friend too.

9. Teach him manners. Because sometimes you have to be his father, not just his friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

10. Teach him when to stand-up and when to walk away. He should know that he doesn’t have to throw punches to prove he is right. He may not always be right. Make sure he knows how to demand respect- he is worthy of it. It does not mean he has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence.

11. Teach him to choose his battles. Make sure he knows which battles are worth fighting- like for family or his favorite baseball team. Remind him that people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help him to understand when to shut his mouth and walk-away. Teach him to be the bigger- the better- person.

12. Let him dance in tighty whiteys. Dance alongside him in yours. Teach him that there are moments when it is okay to be absolutely ridiculous.

13. Share music. Introduce him to the classics and learn the words to the not-so-classics. Create a rock band with wooden instruments, share your earphones, and blast Pink Floyd in the car. Create a soundtrack to your lives together.

14. Let him win. Sometimes he needs to know that big things are possible.

15. Teach him about family. Let him know family is always worth fighting for. Family is always worth standing up for. At the end of the day, he has you to fall back on, and pray to God that you will have him.

16. Father him. Being a father—to him—is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with him the joys of fatherhood, so one day he will want to be a father too. Remind him over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love him like you love him.

17. Listen to him now. If you don’t listen to the little things now, he won’t share the big things later.

18. Let him try on your shoes. Even if they are old and smelly. Let him slip his little feet in and watch him as he hopes like hell that someday he can fill them. He will fill them.

19. Give him bear hugs. The kind that squeezes his insides and make him giggle. The kind of hug only a daddy can give.

20. Give him baths. Because Mom can’t do everything damnit.

21. Teach him how to pee standing up. Let him pee outside- such is the joy of being a man. Mom cannot teach this talent, so someone has to.

22. Know the answers. He will assume you do. If you don’t know them, pretend you do and look them up later.

23. Toss him around. Because little boys love seeing the strength of their father. Throw him up in the air, so that he knows you will always be there to catch him on his way down.

24. Ask his mother. He will come to you with questions that he won’t always want to ask his mother, about girls and about love. Ask her anyway, she will know the answers.

25. Love him like you would love a daughter. Little girls are not the only ones who need hugs and kisses. Love is the color yellow of emotions. It is both happy and gender neutral.

26. Grow a big belly. Because every child should get the chance to rest there head on the absolute softest pillow ever. Daddy’s belly is the best place to land.

27. Don’t say, do. American inventor, Charles F. Kettering once said, “every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.” Be a good one.

28. Be his hero. You are anyway. To him, you have the strength of Batman, the speed of Spiderman and the brain of Ironman. Don’t disappointment. Prove to him that Daddy’s are the biggest heroes of all. Only Daddy’s can save the day.

“After all, good fathers make good sons.”

I couldn’t agree more!

Tags , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Relationships, sons, Values

Books and their covers…

November 4, 2013 //
0

The other morning I sat down at breakfast and noticed a little old man sitting next to me. I smiled and let the moment pass not thinking too much about it and not expecting much more from it.

A few minutes later, a little old woman join him. Having seen many old people eat breakfast before, I barely gave it a second thought. But, when the woman sat down I couldn’t help but overhear her talking. Then I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Almost as soon as she sat down she started complaining. This was not the average bitter old woman! I heard her say “That stupid bitch!” Immediately I was shocked. Everyone at my table must have heard it because it got silent. No one knew what to say. I mean how crabby can this old lady possibly be?! They must have said “stupid bitch!” about 5 times in a row. And it turns out she was mad because there was a lady in front of her at the omelette bar holding up the line because she didn’t know what she wanted. Whoa! I was floored! This lady was so old and crabby that the omelette line set her off.

A couple of minutes passed, and the old lady started talking to me. Well, to my friend. Apparently, this lady noticed the college shirt my friend was wearing and had something to say about it. I had no idea where or how this was going to go. I didn’t doubt my friend had just heard the omelette story. And I knew she would not deal with this lady’s attitude…. so here it goes… what will happen next…?

It turns out the old lady used to live in the same state as the college mentioned on my friends’ shirt. She was very fond of the area and that broke the ice to a casual conversation.

As it turned out,  I was celebrating my birthday. The lady and her husband were celebrating his birthday. As the conversation went on, I learned that the lady had survived breast cancer – twice.  She was proudly wearing pink T-shirt and advising all women who would listen to get checked out.

She had served in the Navy and was somewhat of a pin-up girl who became popular when she was caught on camera smoking cigars with some ranking officers.

When she was younger, she used to own a ’58 Chevy. She told us how she used to play chicken on the road and run from the cops. She got so illuminated when she was telling these stories. And she had no time for the guys who thought she couldn’t hold her own.

We reminisced about some college parties she used to go to after the football games.

It turns out she wasn’t bitchy at all – she was feisty! She was quite the character and a great random person to chat with. You never know who will cross your path or what story they have to tell.

Two lessons here:  1) Never underestimate the story of strangers. 2) Live your life as to have a wonderful story to share with others.

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories mindset, Relationships, social

Think Past The Heat Of The Moment

September 18, 2013 //
0

“Never marry a woman you wouldn’t want to be divorced from”

And for the ladie followers…

“Don’t marry a man unless you’d be proud to have a son exactly like him”

———————

I came across both of these quotes over the last week at separate times. It’s a different way of looking at an age old problem.

Then, I was talking to a woman at work who was having some very serious problems with her boyfriend. She was obviously pregnant, so I asked how far along she was. “8 months.” Knowing that the guy she was having problems with was only her boyfriend, I took the liberty in asking if the baby was his. Her response, “yea, unfortunately..”

Knowing the problems she was having, I wasn’t that stunned by her answer. But as the day went on I couldn’t help but think about her situation. Sadly, I think her feelings are more common than we think.

I hear about people battling horrible divorces and child custody disputes. The kids are not the problem, it’s the ex lover who battles over the kids that is. But everyone involved is affected.

When you see warning signs early on in a relationship it would be very smart of you to think about what they are saying.

You have to choose wisely. Abrupt, lustful decisions can alter your entire life..

Some people are risk takers. Real men take calculated risks. See the above quotes – then decide…

Tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories Marriage, Relationships

Put ‘er there!

August 4, 2013 //
0

First impressions are made fast. One study I read said 90% of one’s opinion of someone else is made up in the first 90 seconds of meeting them. That’s fast! But test it out, sit somewhere at do some people watching. See how fast your mind makes up a story (good or bad) about the people you see. And it will
all be based on you simply seeing them, no conversation, no back story – just a quick size-up.

So upon meeting someone, you have your visual presentation of yourself, some very brief conversation skills/ openers, and the always underrated handshake. A lot can be told, and should be known about handshakes. There have been entire books and industries created around body language. But here is some basic info for you to start with:

The awkwardly loooong shake:

This greeting isn’t necessarily a problem if you are spending 5-10 seconds catching up, giving an extended thank you, or on sincere terms with the recipient. Otherwise, the recipient is probably wondering why you are standing there staring at them..

Pulling in:

This motion gives the puller the essence of control over the recipient. As the receiver gets pulled in closer, they are pulled off balance. Naturally, if you don’t have a strong stance or aren’t expecting this as a receiver, you tend to automatically stumble forward.

Palm vertical (each person’s hand is karate chopping the air):

This is the most neutral of all handshakes. It shows equality. It takes out all the possible misunderstandings of body language. When I see this I tend to think that person is being straightforward. You get what you see.

Palm down (forces your palm to face up):

This action is also known as a controlling behavior. It is basically the person saying (and literally demonstrating) that they are above/ over/ superior to you.

Palm up (forces your palm to face down):

This allows the receiver to automatically have a sense of control in the situation. It can be read a sign of humility and graciousness. I’ve seen men attempt to shake a woman’s hand in this manner. It is a professional yet gentle way of shaking hands. However, some powerful women will be immediately turn their hand vertical or even flip the scenario over to demonstrate their superiority.

Wimpy/weak hand:
(Or as my dad calls it; “wet toast”)

Unless there is some medical condition or extremely dainty-ness you are worried about, don’t do this. Stiffen up and put some effort into it. Otherwise it will be read as extremely low interest in the situation or extremely low confidence.

Left handed:

What?! Yes, lefties are out there. And they are forever adapting to our right-handed world. However, in many cultures it is very disrespectful to offer your left hand. That’s because is some cultures that is that hand you use for…uh hmm.. well wiping yourself. So know your audience, but that’s a good rule always follow!

But having said that, I usually use my left hand if I am going to incorporate a hug with my right arm. It gives that “great seeing you/working with you WITH a touch of “hey we’re buddies too ya know!”

Hand in hand:

This is when someone shakes your hand with one of their hands and covers the whole execution with their other free hand. It’s used as a sign of sympathy and caring, and extreme thankfulness, if you will.

…And last but not least (and newest):

Knuckle/ fist bump:

There is a coolness and casualness to the fist bump. Its very informal, but becoming more and more popular. I wouldn’t advise it in a professional situation unless the ties are loosened and the sleeves are rolled up. But in some circles its extremely acceptable and simply replaces the traditional handshake because of germs and grime. I’ve also done the “elbow bump” for those types of situations.

So be well! Crack your knuckles inconspicuously ahead of time, wipe your hand on your pant leg, and start to pay attention to people’s body language. It’s definitely not all-inclusive but it can tell you a lot about a person.

Tags , , , , , ,
Categories Career, Professional networks

Father knows best

June 14, 2013 //
0

Sunday June 16 is Father’s Day. Here in the U.S. it’s celebrated on the third Sunday in June. I was surprised to learn how many other countries around the world celebrate this day (check it out on Wikipedia, I don’t want to bore you with all the different dates)

I’d just like to take this opportunity to reiterate why I started this blog and what I hope you take from it.

I find guys are left out in the wind sometimes. See, girls are taught how to act like a lady, men are told how to treat a lady, we even see schools that teach manners to young women so they can be more sophisticated. Guys don’t always get those instructions in life. We rely on our fathers, father figures, or sometimes any male near by as we grow up to figure out how the heck we are supposed to act.

In this day and age of increased divorced or absent fathers, us guys can be in real need of some help. So I hope to give some info on random guy topics. (And all of it is up for debate – in fact I encourage any feedback and discussion you guys and gals want to contribute) and if there is a topic you’d like more info on, let me know.

In my career I find myself wearing the hat of a parent, marriage counselor, addiction counselor, neighborhood mediator, community liaison, legal counselor, information desk, and sometimes even a life coach of sorts. So I hope to spread the wealth to the guys of the world both for themselves or to pay it forward and pass any lessons or info onto other guys, maybe their sons and ultimately we can all be better guys.

So to the fathers out there: happy Father’s Day! And to everyone else, honor your father today. It isn’t always easy to be in those shoes. We aren’t always taught how to take care of ourselves but are supposed to know the right way to handle kids and and a wife and all the things life throws at you from time to time.

Guys! Fathers and sons, take the day to reflect on how you can better a better guy!
– and tell all your friends to start reading growingupguy.com 🙂

Tags , , , , ,
Categories Marriage, mindset, Relationships, Values

“Go to” people

October 22, 2012 //
0

The first time I realized I was actually out on my own was my first year in college. I got sick with the flu thanks to the Midwest weather. I had missed classes for a couple days and Tylenol and soup just weren’t cutting it. I finally broke down and decided I needed a doctor. I happened to be talking to my parents on the phone and explained my situation. My mom chimed in and offered to make me a doctor’s appointment. The only problem was I was 3 hours from home and she had no idea of any doctor in my area. Its not that I was spoiled and incapable of completing such chores, this was just the first realization that it was all on me. I honesty don’t remember if I had the energy to find a doctor or not, but I lived nonetheless.

Years later, I have moved from college, this time much further that 3 hours away from home. I ended up on the other side of the country in an area where I had no friends and no family. So everything was new – and everything was on me. It was time to step up and grow up.

Its not that this was a treacherous experience or anything, but it just addresses the little issues in life we often times don’t think about. Our parents raise us. Their network is our network. We go to the same doctor for years. We take our car to the same mechanic because that’s what we have always done. But if you really want to fuel your independence, start a list of your own “go to” people.

I actually had a 20-minute conversation with “my butcher” today as we discussed the right cut of meat to use for my Italian beef sandwiches. That led to football, which turn led to the discovery of us being from that same area of the country and cheering for the same team. That small conversation turned a random trip to the store into a very friendly experience. I now have a connection, a “go to” person, that will give me their expertise as friend.

I’ve repeated this experience with doctors. A random pre travel exam prior to my trip to Costa Rica led to a connection with the doc. He loves Costa Rica and travels there often. I was privy to some local advice before my trip.

Mechanics are another great connection to make. I hate car trouble. I’d rather be punched in the face than have car problems. So any time I need to take my car into the shop I’m already on edge. I happened to make buddies with a local mechanic over beers at happy hour one day. His shop is very close to my house. I still hate car problems with a passion but its much less stressful knowing I can trust the person who will be doing the work.

Not only will these “go to” people make your life easier in most cases, but it will also make you a more well rounded person. You’ll be able to add some local flare to the next conversation you find yourself in.  And don’t be afraid to share your own expertise. You may end up being someone else’s “go to” person. And there is no better advertising and networking than this word-of-mouth style. It makes the world a friendlier place to do business.

Tags , , , ,
Categories Career, Professional networks, Relationships

Choose wisely…

September 23, 2012 //
0

The dating world is a web of frustration. It can make or break a man. Often times it will do both, numerous times, in man’s life. But it’s a necessary step to finding someone you want to dedicate your life to. And when I say life, I mean life: your time, your money, your decisions, everything that is a part of your life will be “shared” with the person you choose to dedicate your life to. I’m sure some of you are already smiling and saying, “that’s why I’m single!” I say more power to you and live it up my friends. But I think the majority of men will choose to want to settle down at some point. For some it’s at 21, some 31, and hell for some it may not hit until 81.

Honestly, I have yet to find the woman I am going to settle down with. It’s not to say I’m not ready, but it takes two to go down that road. My search continues, and sometimes I get down on the whole dating scene. I’m the last of my circle of friends to settle down and it gives me the envy bug here and there. But there is another side of the coin that I have gotten to see.

More friends than I’d like to count, guys and girls, have gone through or are going through the big D… divorce. Some people have had the pleasure of going through it more than once (sarcasm). But, I’m not here to criticize people’s choices and Monday morning quarterback them. In some cases I don’t even know if there were any red flags that could have given any warning. But shit happens nonetheless.

In the best-case scenario, they will get to deal with the heart and headache of the legal proceedings that will lead to the separation. Now, everything that each of them has worked for gets to be fought over, and again in the best-case scenario, split evenly – not normally the case. And I haven’t even touched on the point of possibly having kids involved – But that’s another post altogether, because these days kids don’t always equal marriage.

Now hear me out, I am in no way trying to talk down the institution of marriage. In fact, I look forward to the day, also to having a family. But be aware, be very aware, that some decisions you make can affect the rest of your life. Not everything is in your control. So make the most of those factors that are. Talk openly. Be very real. Your dating phase will be the foundation of what may come. If it’s anything less than solid, don’t expect marriage to make things better. Choose wisely.

Tags , , ,
Categories Marriage, Relationships
Newer Entries »