Archives for category: Marriage

 “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”

~Eleanor Roosevelt

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It’s good to have people to go to for advice. Sometimes they will reassure you by saying what you want them to say and sometimes they will tell you exactly what you don’t want to hear, but remember you were the one who asked.

Even the person with the best advice is going to have their opinions, experiences, and values mixed in with what they tell you. Don’t ever forget that.

Don’t be afraid to make your own decisions. Listen to the advice of others, evaluate it, but remember the decision remains in your hands. You will reap the benefits or learn from your own dismay. But you will own it either way.

You should be the most knowledgable about your situation. Knowledge breeds confidence.

So take the job, book the ticket, make the purchase, pop the question – you know what’s best for you. Trust your judgement.

“Never marry a woman you wouldn’t want to be divorced from”

And for the ladie followers…

“Don’t marry a man unless you’d be proud to have a son exactly like him”

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I came across both of these quotes over the last week at separate times. It’s a different way of looking at an age old problem.

Then, I was talking to a woman at work who was having some very serious problems with her boyfriend. She was obviously pregnant, so I asked how far along she was. “8 months.” Knowing that the guy she was having problems with was only her boyfriend, I took the liberty in asking if the baby was his. Her response, “yea, unfortunately..”

Knowing the problems she was having, I wasn’t that stunned by her answer. But as the day went on I couldn’t help but think about her situation. Sadly, I think her feelings are more common than we think.

I hear about people battling horrible divorces and child custody disputes. The kids are not the problem, it’s the ex lover who battles over the kids that is. But everyone involved is affected.

When you see warning signs early on in a relationship it would be very smart of you to think about what they are saying.

You have to choose wisely. Abrupt, lustful decisions can alter your entire life..

Some people are risk takers. Real men take calculated risks. See the above quotes – then decide…

Sunday June 16 is Father’s Day. Here in the U.S. it’s celebrated on the third Sunday in June. I was surprised to learn how many other countries around the world celebrate this day (check it out on Wikipedia, I don’t want to bore you with all the different dates)

I’d just like to take this opportunity to reiterate why I started this blog and what I hope you take from it.

I find guys are left out in the wind sometimes. See, girls are taught how to act like a lady, men are told how to treat a lady, we even see schools that teach manners to young women so they can be more sophisticated. Guys don’t always get those instructions in life. We rely on our fathers, father figures, or sometimes any male near by as we grow up to figure out how the heck we are supposed to act.

In this day and age of increased divorced or absent fathers, us guys can be in real need of some help. So I hope to give some info on random guy topics. (And all of it is up for debate – in fact I encourage any feedback and discussion you guys and gals want to contribute) and if there is a topic you’d like more info on, let me know.

In my career I find myself wearing the hat of a parent, marriage counselor, addiction counselor, neighborhood mediator, community liaison, legal counselor, information desk, and sometimes even a life coach of sorts. So I hope to spread the wealth to the guys of the world both for themselves or to pay it forward and pass any lessons or info onto other guys, maybe their sons and ultimately we can all be better guys.

So to the fathers out there: happy Father’s Day! And to everyone else, honor your father today. It isn’t always easy to be in those shoes. We aren’t always taught how to take care of ourselves but are supposed to know the right way to handle kids and and a wife and all the things life throws at you from time to time.

Guys! Fathers and sons, take the day to reflect on how you can better a better guy!
– and tell all your friends to start reading growingupguy.com 🙂

The dating world is a web of frustration. It can make or break a man. Often times it will do both, numerous times, in man’s life. But it’s a necessary step to finding someone you want to dedicate your life to. And when I say life, I mean life: your time, your money, your decisions, everything that is a part of your life will be “shared” with the person you choose to dedicate your life to. I’m sure some of you are already smiling and saying, “that’s why I’m single!” I say more power to you and live it up my friends. But I think the majority of men will choose to want to settle down at some point. For some it’s at 21, some 31, and hell for some it may not hit until 81.

Honestly, I have yet to find the woman I am going to settle down with. It’s not to say I’m not ready, but it takes two to go down that road. My search continues, and sometimes I get down on the whole dating scene. I’m the last of my circle of friends to settle down and it gives me the envy bug here and there. But there is another side of the coin that I have gotten to see.

More friends than I’d like to count, guys and girls, have gone through or are going through the big D… divorce. Some people have had the pleasure of going through it more than once (sarcasm). But, I’m not here to criticize people’s choices and Monday morning quarterback them. In some cases I don’t even know if there were any red flags that could have given any warning. But shit happens nonetheless.

In the best-case scenario, they will get to deal with the heart and headache of the legal proceedings that will lead to the separation. Now, everything that each of them has worked for gets to be fought over, and again in the best-case scenario, split evenly – not normally the case. And I haven’t even touched on the point of possibly having kids involved – But that’s another post altogether, because these days kids don’t always equal marriage.

Now hear me out, I am in no way trying to talk down the institution of marriage. In fact, I look forward to the day, also to having a family. But be aware, be very aware, that some decisions you make can affect the rest of your life. Not everything is in your control. So make the most of those factors that are. Talk openly. Be very real. Your dating phase will be the foundation of what may come. If it’s anything less than solid, don’t expect marriage to make things better. Choose wisely.